TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT GENDER & SEXUALITY: EIGHT TIPS FOR CHRISTIAN PARENTS

Teresa & I are far from perfect parents, but this is one area I think we did okay. So here are some humbly submitted thoughts based on our experience, my doctoral studies & a few (*cough*) years of student ministry.

1. Talk early and talk often. Don't wait to have "the talk" when they turn twelve. Have lots of ongoing dinner-table-type conversations about sexuality & gender. Yes, it should be age-appropriate, but if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to know. They should hear it first from you, not from a classmate or TikTok. They're already getting progressive gender ideology from cartoons at age 3-4 and being exposed to p--n by age 10, so that's a clue for when your conversations should kick in. Start with "Boys and girls are different" without reinforcing shallow gender stereotypes. Personally, our kids knew anatomy and basic sex-ed by kindergarten or first grade. They knew Christian ethics and understood same-sex attraction soon after and understood transgenderism while still in grade school. By the time friends were talking about it, they already knew what was up.

2. Avoid shame. Let the conversations be natural and not full of taboo, judgment & shame. The dinner table is the ideal setting. Don't have a small number of intense conversations. Just let discussion be sprinkled a few minutes here and there.

3. Prepare for opposition. Let them know that people in the culture disagree. Those people are not bad, but they are wrong. It's okay to be friends with someone who disagrees. But don't be intimidated by them.

4. Be holistic. Focus on giving them the big picture, not addressing the controversy of the day. Be proactive, not reactive. Their biggest takeaways should be that marriage is good, sex is for husbands & wive, and gender is a gift from God to be received, not an identity that is subjectively chosen.

5. Ask questions. Ask them what kids at school are saying. Ask information-gathering questions without reacting. This leads to the best conversations. "Do any of the kids talk about being gay? What do they say? What do you think about that? Do you know kids who are looking at p--n? Have you ever seen p--n?"

6. The internet is a minefield. Monitoring their phones should be a pre-condition to them having a phone. Social media, especially TikTok, is an indoctrination machine. The algorithm is tweaked to show them the most attention-seeking expressions of transgenderism, activism, and self-expression. (FYI: TikTok is heavily controlled by the Chinese government, and the Chinese version is VERY different: lots of inspirational stories, encouragement to work hard, patriotic sentiment, and cute animals. It's truly sinister. A Trojan Horse.) We kept our kids off of social media until later in high school. Our senior is still not on social media by his choice. Instagram and Twitter aren't good. Snapchat is bad. TikTok is a hot mess. Discord is okay. Facebook has somewhat fewer problems, but zero people under 18 are on it.

7. Rightly assess risk. Too many parents are hyper-concerned about physical safety and ignore the mental health effects of social media. Kids are WAY more likely to get social-media-induced anxiety leading to suicidal thoughts than they are to be abducted walking home from school. Social media usage correlates to poor mental health outcomes. Tech CEOs don't let their kids use their products. You owe it to your kids to monitor and limit their technology usage. Let them ride a bike in the neighborhood long before you let them on Instagram.

8. Pray for your kids. There are many ways the world is getting better and better. I actually believe the world has a bright future. But in a few areas, the world is more confusing and difficult than ever. The Enemy is as real & active as ever. Prayer has power. Ask God to open your kid's hearts to Christ and save them. Ask God to protect them from "hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ (Colossians 2:8)." Pray John 17:15, "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one." Ask God to make them confident in their faith and a witness to their peers.

Thanks!